Gender Paper

Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
Because they are ugly and they smell bad.
I'm not sure why, but that has always been one of my favorites jokes. It's so stupid, but I laugh every time. The punch line is such a great mix of the unexpected, misogyny, and even a little empowerment. As a woman, you’re almost always offended when you first hear it. Those feelings of, “Well, I wouldn’t spend so much time primping, if I didn’t have to be attractive to men, in an man’s world”. However, if you really give the punch line a moment, it really has it’s own hidden beauty. Now, this may be open to interpretation, but I find it to say, that there is no need for improvement. You are all ready beautiful. There is nothing wrong with highlighting or accentuating your best features. However, if you find that you really need to trowel on, or airbrush a completely different face other than your own, than that really is ugly. Less is more, as the old make-up adage goes. This little zinger is very much like the essence of woman; in it’s own poetic sense. You never know what to expect when you encounter a woman, and that may be our own greatest mystery and/or artillery. We all know true beauty is never the product of ambergris, age-defying moisturizers, or anything of Olay. It comes from within, and all that do-gooder stuff that Disney princesses preach.
I could just be making the previous statements as an excuse for my own lack of usage in the make-up and perfume department. I rarely wear either, and when I do, I just about need to be strapped down to apply it, especially eyeliner. Very frustrating. Also, I’m usually nervous, and a little less like myself when I wear make-up, even though I’ve been experimenting with it now for decades. All of those self-doubts come bubbling right to the surface, when I’m painted. “Do I have lipstick on my teeth?” “Did I just smudge my eye, and am now taking on the appearance of a raccoon or a panda?” My sister Theresa, on the other hand, has always been a girlie-girl. Her collection of make-up would put most drag queens to shame. Her product knowledge is PhD worthy, and a portion of her will forever be lost to a research and development phase over the perfect shade of pistol packin’ pink. The genetics for cosmetics went solely to her, and she is very beautiful, inside and out, because of it.
Theresa and I have always been treated differently due to our appearance. I was a travel agent for nine years, and never once did I receive a free upgrade to first class on any of my flights, and would usually receive a Kia Rio at the rental counter. That may have something to do with me being a practical traveler. I know how to travel for comfort, and foundation and eyeliner is not a qualifier. However, my sister gets upgraded 95% of the time, on any airline, and will almost always receive the nicest car on the lot when she rents. She may forget her passport, but she does not forget her Bobbi Brown make-up collection. However, she is horribly criticized when she is not “made up”. Her co-workers will ask what is wrong with her, and comment on how tired she looks. Recently, she has begun modeling, and has had her face airbrushed to giver her a “perfect” complexion. Her stylist noticed a couple of missed spots, and graciously “fixed” them for her. So according to her, with make-up, she is a model, without, she is a tired old hag with something wrong.
I’ve never had that happen to me, because people are used to my natural face. I’ve received compliments on how nice my lips look when I am wearing Dr. Pepper flavored lip gloss, when I do put forth that much effort. Critical feedback that I consistently receive is how shocked people are when I’m at ease enough to let loose and be myself, with my filthy, vulgar mouth. I guess they hear my little voice paired with a stream of obscenities, and are always shocked by that sight. I’ll admit, a trucker mouth with watermelon lip shimmer and a weird, Kathy Ireland voice, looks and sounds strange. But there it is hanging off my face. Oh well, maybe I am just one of the guys… in a skirt. I don’t feel any less feminine because I don’t spend the duration of a movie on my appearance. I’d simply just rather watch the movie, whether it’s “Legally Blonde” or “The French Connection”.
“The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, "It's a girl,” - Shirley Chisholm.
Man, or woman rather, where is Shirley when you need her? When I found out that I was pregnant, I just knew I would have a boy. At least, I'd better have. I felt I would be at a complete loss with a daughter. I remember walking through the toy aisles at Target and encountering the trashy Bratz dolls, and thinking it would be the absolute death of me if someone ever gave one of those devices to my child. Why have the toy companies not evolved? Even today, it’s still split with pink on one side, and blue on the other, and nary the two shall meet.
Years ago, I was at a bookstore flipping through a photography book titled, "Girl Culture" by Lauren Greenfield. Her photography was a brutally honest collection of the many facets of the developing woman. Four-year-old "Jon-Benets", 11-year-old girls in an eating disorder clinic, girls performing martial arts, girls performing in strip clubs, breast augmentations, etc. One of the photos that really stuck with me, was of the little girls too busy dressing like Barbie rather than playing with the Barbie’s in front of them. You can't BE Barbie, no one can, not even Barbie! There are too many scientific studies showing that if Barbie were an actual human, she would not have the strength in her waistline to support her upper body, and she would be so thin, there would only be room for half of her liver, and a few inches of intestines. Yet, when we visit the toy store, they are packed floor to ceiling with Barbie’s, and not one Shirley Chisholm doll in sight.
As a mother, I’m trying to help create an equal balance for my son, Max. I’m happy for him that he is into his “boy stuff” like Star Wars, comics, and Legos, and yet, has no qualms about watching “PowerPuff Girls” and “Ella Enchanted”. I’m relieved that he is finally at an age where he is interested in lawn care, and is open to learning how to cook (with his Star Wars Cook Book), sew (his “Son of Rambow” costume), and help, albeit begrudgingly, with laundry. I am most proud of him right now as he is going through a huge 5th grade crush on a classmate, and says what he likes most about Morgan is how smart she is, because she won the classroom science fair. I certainly hope he continues to maintain that thought process about women. I certainly hope I do too. Just as soon as I get back from the store from buying the complete MAC “Beauty Tabloid” collection and Brittany Spear’s “Circus Fantasy” perfume!