Self concept paper

It isn’t what they call you; it's what you answer to. - W.C. Fields

I have undergone a catastrophic trauma, and am in a complete teardown and rebuild phase of life. Some giant jackass of a god basically hit the reset button within me, and I now have to start all over. So I am developing a brand new self-concept. I am adapting to a new role in my family by being both father and mother, with the passing of my husband. As of now, I am completely at a loss of what I want to do career-wise, just something safe, which travel careers are not. I will travel to Germany with my son to see our friends at the end of this semester, and one of my goals is to visit my birthplace. I am probably the only person in the world excited about seeing an Army hospital. I also plan to visit Hanover, where I have been able to trace some lineage on my grandmother's side back to 1812. As for my gender, I've never felt stronger. I am a badass when it comes to being female. I was a surrogate mother and carried twins to full term while Jason fought off his cancer. It was as terrifying, as it was empowering to accomplish that stage of my life. Now that I've achieved a great deal of life experience, and have no job to go to, I primarily go to community college, and several bars, in hopes of finding some new career path. Right now, this is the best thing for me, as I want to actually be in school, whereas if I had gone when I was 17, I would have been there just to be there. I can see it in some of my younger classmates that they are just going through the motions and it makes me kind of crazy. I got such a crash course in life last year, and view the world so very different from how I used to. Perhaps they will too someday. Physically, I'm not much to view at first glance. I'm not pretty by conventional standards, and I'm not sure that I really want to be. It's too much to live up too, at least for me. However, my personality makes up for that, as that is my primary tool or weapon for how I attract people. To know me is to love me… or love to fear me!
I feel I have a pretty good sense of self, in the majority of these categories. My biggest challenge right now is my son, Max. Not only does he get to burst into puberty, and load up on pre-teenage angst; he also gets to mourn for his father. This is a pretty tall order for an 11 year old, or anyone really to handle. Emotionally, neither of us can predict how we are going to be from one day to the next, but we are learning and adjusting. I feel that Max and I have gotten consistently closer now. I think my college courses have really been a big help to both us, as I'm not so authoritative, and am trying to help him apply more critical thinking. It's funny how this tool of critical thinking is so rarely used in the real world. Yet, it makes such a huge impact when applied. I'm talking with more people in the past six months than I'm used too, and am feeling more confident because of it. I don't have a problem telling people where to go and how to get there now, (except for my mother-in-law, because I'm not fluent in "She-Bear"), whereas before last year, I would just keep quiet. I guess I'm in transition, and I hope it's for the better. In fact, I’m pretty sure I can walk through fire.